Yin And Yang

A little over a month ago, I submitted my portfolio, 'Owl Face', for my final assessment. August 26, 2026, at 20:26. I made sure the numbers aligned. Yes, I am superstitious like that. I promised my brain — notice how I say 'my brain', not 'myself'... at least, that is my excuse for what happened next — I would take off two weeks between my master's and my doctorate. I lasted five days (if having an anaphylactic reaction, ending up in hospital, and buying books listed on my indicative bibliography counts). I do not handle the unknown very well ('What are the criteria?' is one of my signature questions). And so, I designed an Excel workbook to track and analyse my reading, spent an unhealthy amount of time freaking out about 'Literature Reviews', dived into Annie Dillard, and submitted some of my short stories to various literary magazines and the Hope Prize. I have no publishing credentials. What kind of a writer, a Faber Academy alumna, an MLitt graduate, a doctoral student, has not had anything published? I have received numerous rejections from agents (who doesn't?) for a novel I wrote and rewrote in two different genres and intend(ed) to try it out in a third genre, but have no publishing credentials. Imposter syndrome, hello! That was my Yin; here is my Yang: I am grateful to have been admitted to the MLitt; grateful to have completed it; grateful to the incredible team of lecturers at the University of Glasgow; grateful to my doctoral supervisors (aka 'Dream Team'); grateful to the friends I have made there, one in particular: Andrea. I tell you about flying cockroaches; you send me pictures of snow and frozen waters, and despite the seven-hour difference between us, we have become friends and each other's critique partners. When I go to bed, I know I will wake up to your messages, and it makes me feel a little less alone on the other side of the world. When you are asleep, I send you a bunch of messages in return. And then there is this small window when we are both awake and can talk about books, our writing, and other things.  When I am tossing and turning at night, freaking out about literature reviews, Annual Progress Reviews, and the Viva — I am certain there are other things I am not even aware of yet — I try to remember the Chinese concept of Yin and Yang.  Emphasis on the words 'I try'.